Oh, The Lessons I've Learned

Today, I was mowing the lawn, and I started to think. I have learned a lot of lessons in life, none of which could be life lessons. Here goes:

1. Never send a mean email to a politician using your parents' email address; they will email back.
2. Don't lie; especially when the actuality of the situation is electronically documented for you mother to see.
3. Don't tell secrets you promised to keep.
4. Always make sure you are sending a text to the correct person; you may accidently send it to the person you are bashing.
5. The Kannapolis Police Department won't give you a ticket for 15mph over the speed limit, but they will for 16mph over.
6. If a girl doesn't like you, they DON'T LIKE YOU.
7. Girls lie more than guys, they are just better at hiding it.
8. You're mother doesn't care what the valedictorian got on that test, you still should have done better.
9. You're mother wants to know why you can't be more like the valedictorian.
10. You're parents are probably lying if they tell you they never got in trouble when they were younger.
11. You can do anything you want in life, as long as you have proper funding.
12. Money does grow on trees. The trees are turned into paper that will make your money.
13. No matter what, the woman is right. Even if she are wrong.
14. You know that band you think is gay? They get with more women in a week than you will your whole life.
15. I don't care who you are, Hitler was a brilliant man.
16. I don't care who you are, Obama can read off a teleprompter better than anything.
17. Any women who is a good musician is hotter than a runway model.
18. If you like Nickelback, we cannot, under any circumstances, be friends.
19. Sarcasm is the air people breath.
20. Facebook will never stop changing.
21. People don't change, they just become better actors.
22. Pie? Pie is good.